Comparison- Be Gone!

I have a heart that is quick to compare.

I very distinctly remember being a young girl and visiting a friend’s house for the first time. She had tons of expensive dolls- the same brand that I had always hoped for yet never owned (disclaimer** Mom and Dad, if you’re reading this- thanks for never buying me those outrageously priced dolls and teaching me that happiness doesn’t come from “stuff”!!) Anyway, I remember still to this day how as a young girl I thought, “she has tons of these dolls and I have none. This isn’t fair.” The jealousy crept upon my soul in an instant like a thick dark fog.

To be completely honest, as an adult my heart still has the same tendencies. I look at other women or other families and I quickly compare. I compare their stuff to my stuff, their family to my family, their figure or health or lifestyle. And I realize how closely sin is right there waiting to send a fog over my soul just like it did when I was a young girl jealous of someone’s toys. I’d say that 99% of the time when we are comparing, sin is involved in one way or another. Let me explain.

When we compare we are usually doing one of two things- being prideful or being ungrateful and jealous. All three heart attitudes are sins that Jesus had to die for.

Often when I compare, I’m thinking about how someone has it seemingly “better” than me. They have a better body, or newer clothes, or a nicer house. They have more free-time or a kinder family or their personality is somehow “better” than mine. This is all covetousness (jealousy). I am jealous of their body, their stuff, their lifestyle. When I entertain these thoughts I’m rolling around in my own sin like a pig happily rolls around in the mud. When I have thoughts like this, like the jealousy I had as a girl over the dolls, not only am I coveting, but I’m also being ungrateful. As a child I had tons of toys and dolls to play with and a blessed childhood. Instead of being grateful for all my parents did bless me with, I focused on what I wanted and didn’t have instead. 20-ish years later I’m doing the same thing. Jesus, help me!

Other times when I compare (it’s about to get real honest up in here!) it’s in a way that I think I have it better than others- and this, my friends, is nothing other than the disgusting sin of pride. I may think happily “I have xyz……. and they don’t” and in the dark recesses of my heart I sometimes find this ugliness residing. More often than I’d like to admit. Left to my own devices my heart is incredibly ugly. And this is why I need Jesus.

I bet I’m not alone in either of these struggles- jealousy, ungratefulness, and pride. It’s a struggle probably everyone can relate to at some time or another. I’m so thankful that Jesus loves me enough to convict me and want to change my heart in these areas.

 

So if these attitudes I’ve had are sinful- how can I work with the Lord to change my heart and have a Christlike attitude?

One thing I need to do (and I cannot do this on my own- it MUST be a work of the Holy Spirit IN me!) is turn my pride into humility and gratitude. If the Lord has blessed me with something (which He certainly HAS overflowed my life with His blessings) I need to be thankful for it, and remember that is comes from JESUS and these blessings should be used FOR Jesus. My possessions- home, car, etc…my family….my health….my time…..these are all blessings from the Lord that He has entrusted to me to steward and use for HIS glory, not my own. One day I will stand before Jesus and I will have to give an account for what I did with what He gave me. With many blessings comes responsibility to USE it for Him.

Secondly, when I catch my heart comparing myself and my life with others I need to remember that God gives different things to different people because He alone knows what is ultimately best in the grand, eternal scheme of things. My friend’s calling on her life is completely different than mine. God has given her things He hasn’t given me, and that is because she has a different mission than I do. Although my sister (or brother) in Christ and I should have the same goal in life- ie- furthering Christ’s kingdom- how he or she will go about doing that will not look the same as me. God gives different people different gifts and similarly He causes each of His children to go through different hardships for His glory and His eternal purposes as well. He knows what is best and will give Him the most glory. We don’t.

It makes me think of one of Jesus’ parables in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 25: 14-30:::

You can read it below:

            The Parable of the Talents

¹⁴ “For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants^[a]and entrusted to them his property. ¹⁵ To one he gave five talents,^[b] to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then hewent away. ¹⁶ He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. ¹⁷ So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. ¹⁸ But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master’s money.¹⁹ Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. ²⁰ And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’ ²¹ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.^[c] You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’²² And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here I have made two talents more.’²³ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ ²⁴ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, ²⁵ so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.’ ²⁶ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? ²⁷ Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. ²⁸ So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. ²⁹ For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. ³⁰ And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

We see in this story the master gives three people different amounts of talents- to one servant he gives 5 talents, to another servant he gives 2 talents and to the third servant he gives 1 talent. Why different amounts of talents to different servants? He’s the master after all, and he can do what he want. It doesn’t mean he loves one servant any more or any less than the others. The point isn’t how MUCH the master gave each servant, but what the servant DID (or didn’t do) with what he was given. The first two servants used their talents and produced more for the master with them. The third servant did nothing with his talent other than burying it and it produced nothing. Obviously he’s who we don’t want to be. Now for the first two servants- will call the servant who received 5 talents servant A and the servant who received 2 talents servant B. Notice how servant B is never noted as complaining how servant A got more talents than him (over 2 times as more! Instead servant B focused on what he WAS given and put it to good use for the Master. Similarly, we never hear of servant A being prideful about how he got the most talents, but he simply minded his own business (I imagine) and got to work using them. In this parable of Jesus, the Master is equally as happy with servants A and B because they both used the talents the Master gave them.

I don’t know about you, but I want to be like servant A or B. I want to produce something fruitful for God’s kingdom with the gifts, talents, and blessings the Lord has given me. Not only that, I don’t want to compare what God has or hasn’t given me to what He has or haven’t given to others. When I get to heaven I want Jesus say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Oh how I SO deeply long to hear that some day!!

From now on I’m doing my best, with the Holy Spirit’s power and grace, when I catch myself comparing in pride to stop , repent of my prideful heart, and pray that the Lord will humble me and help me remember that HE is the gift giver and it’s all about Him. I’m also asking Jesus to help me overflow what He has blessed me with onto others for His glory and to steward those gifts well. When I compare myself in a coveting way, I also try to stop and pray that I can be grateful for all that God has given me and that I can have a heart that is sincerely happy for the brother or sister next to me who is blessed in a way that I am not. We’re all in this together with a different amount of “talents”. Jesus, and Jesus alone has the power to change our sin-ridden, ungrateful, prideful hearts and make them look more like Him! Instead of comparing and coveting let’s keep our eyes firmly fixed on the cross, and let’s all cheer each other on and build one another up to stay thankful and be good stewards of what the Lord has blessed us with!

Encouragement for those who struggle with anxiety & depression- you’re not alone

Sometimes God puts something on your heart and He won’t leave you alone until you obey.

This blog post is one of those instances for me.

 

Lately I have heard of many people struggling with depression, anxiety, or other emotional or mental issues. You are not alone. I too, have dealt with these things and I believe God wants me to share my story in order to give Him glory and to encourage others.

 

I have personally struggled with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and OCD at various times of my life. I have dealt with these issues off and on since I was very young, and sometimes it can still be a struggle for me today. I have seen happy days and dark days of depression, and Christ has never once left my side. He has never once failed me. He has always been and will always be faithful to me, and to you as well if you seek Him.

Mental and emotional health is incredibly multi-faceted and different for every person. So much is not understood about struggles like anxiety and depression, but we can have peace knowing that God understands it all, and He is in control of everything- even complexities like our emotions and our brains.

I would like to share with you some things that have helped me on my journey.

• The absolute number one factor that has helped me during times of depression and/or anxiety has been my relationship with Jesus. He alone has been my stability during hard times. He has been my Rock, my fortress, and my hiding place during difficulty. Did you know that many people mentioned in the Bible struggled with depression and anxiety? Take King David for example. God called David a man after His own heart, yet many times in scripture King David laments that his soul is downcast. King David reminds himself of the hope he has in Christ, and that God is always faithful.

 

“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God,

for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food

day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42: 1-5a

 

Please know that struggling in this area in NO WAY makes you a Christian who is “weak” in your faith. God allows his children to suffer each in their own ways for His purposes and for His glory. Perhaps your struggle is God’s way of drawing you to Himself- of getting your attention- of humbling you and getting you to a point where He and He alone is truly all you need. If you are sad or emotional or anxious- cry out to Your Father. He cares for you more than you will ever know.

 

• Renew your mind. Get yourself in the Word of God. EVERY DAY. Sometimes every hour. Read the Bible and fill your mind with God’s truth. It also helps me when I am struggling with depression or anxiety to play worship music and sometimes even sing along. Memorizing scripture may also be helpful.

 

• Find your tribe. By this I mean be in a community- preferably a Christian community. Satan wants you to feel like you’re all alone and he wants you to isolate yourself. He wants you to believe the lie that no one understands. Don’t listen to his lies!! Sometimes you might need to force yourself to be involved in community even when you don’t feel like it. But do it anyway. Tell a few people who you can trust what you are struggling with. Be real. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Have people pray with you and over you. This takes a lot of humility, I will be honest. Remember we are ALL broken people. No one has it all together, I can promise you that. It is God’s design for us to be in community to support one another. Don’t be afraid of asking for help and prayer from your brothers and sisters in Christ when you need it.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” –Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

 

• Consider physical factors that may be affecting your mental and emotional health. Have you been eating a nutritious diet? Have you been getting enough sleep? Does your schedule include enough down time and rest? Are you getting enough physical activity and sunlight?

 

• If necessary, seek professional help. There is absolutely NO SHAME in seeing a doctor, counselor, and/or a psychiatrist for help. God has blessed us to be able to see professionals who specialize in helping people who may be struggling. It takes a wise and strong person to get help when they need it. Thank the Lord for professionals that are available when they are truly needed. This is one of the ways the Lord shows his grace to us!

 

 

I hope that if you or someone you love has struggled with emotional and/or mental difficulties that this post has been an encouragement. I don’t know why Jesus in his sovereignty has allowed me to journey through seasons of depression and anxiety. I don’t know that I will ever truly know why He allows what he does, but I can rest in knowing that no matter what, God is good and He is in control. He loves me and He loves you. He is a good Father and He can be trusted through it all- the times of depression, the times of anxiety, the times of happiness, the times of ease and when all is well. Praise God  that if we have a personal relationship with Him, that some day He will make everything right again and we will no longer deal with sadness, worry, fear, depression, anxiety, or any sickness. Until that glorious day comes let’s persevere and walk with the Lord, trusting His heart even when we might not understand His ways.

 

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
²⁹ He made the storm be still,
and the waves of the sea were hushed.
³⁰ Then they were glad that the waters^[c] were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven.
³¹ Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!” –Psalm 107:28-31

 

 

Here are two songs that the Lord has used to encourage my heart. Maybe they will be an encouragement to you as well:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lay-r2g52SQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv-SXz_exKE

 

Here are two articles about anxiety and depression from a Christian perspective that I think may be helpful for some (*note: I have never read the book mentioned in the second article, but I do think the article itself has some good insight):

http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/anxiety-and-depression-my-strange-friends

http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/dealing_with_depression

 

*If you would like to know more about how to know Jesus personally or would like to know more about my journey with anxiety/depression I would be honored to talk to you in person or you can email me at samanthaszalonek@gmail.com.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Pinterest isn’t my standard.

There was a season of life where I really struggled with my self-esteem- especially in regards to my physical appearance. Praise God, I overcame those insecurities several years ago by Christ’s grace. Here I was thinking I was done being insecure….and while most days I feel comfortable in the body God has given me, I’m realizing that I am still really insecure sometimes, only the insecurity looks different now. Let me explain.

A couple of weeks ago my daughter joined a homeschool co-op group that meets for a few hours once a week. She (and I!) both love going! This week we had a Valentines bowling party, and all the kids were told to make a valentines box for their cards to go into.

Since I have a newborn, my husband is away for work, and I have little free time, I didn’t have the time to put into making a fancy, cute, creative box. All her “box” was, was a gift bag with her name written on it. Quick, easy, cheap, done.

But then I started questioning myself…what if this gift bag isn’t good enough? What if all the other moms bring great boxes? I searched “Valentine’s box” on Pinterest and felt my stomach sink. Those Pinterest ideas of valentine’s boxes were elaborate to say the least (see image below!). There were unicorn boxes and robot boxes, boxes that light up, etc….and here my daughter was bringing a $1 gift bag with her name written on it in Sharpie. I instantly felt like an inadequate mom. Like a mom failure.

Then once I got to co-op I saw all these amazing boxes, and my daughter’s gift bag looked really sad compared to them (***Disclaimer: If you made an awesome valentine’s box for or with your kid: kudos to you- this is not meant to say that was wrong- this is just about my heart issues coming to the surface- I thought all the boxes were so cute and creative!). But you know what? In the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter!! My daughter couldn’t have cared less. She’s too young to care about what anyone thought about her gift bag. I just felt like I didn’t measure up. I was worried that other moms would think I’m a bad mom.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you go on Pinterest and see how other women have perfectly clean homes, beautiful outfits, organic healthy meals on the table every night….You see the women with perfectly organized homeschool curriculum and you feel like you don’t measure up. You compare yourself with the moms around you, and it seems like they always have it so together. Their kids are so well behaved, their marriage is thriving, and I’m sure they never raise their voice at their children. You feel like you will never be good enough. I want you to know that you’re not alone in those feelings.

I know that I don’t need to strive to measure up to what I see on Pinterest. Pinterest is not my standard. Other moms are not my standard. GOD is where I get my standard from. He teaches me how to mother, and I’m sure He loved my daughter’s gift bag 🙂   Good mothering does not mean fancy Pinterest crafts (although those can be great!) and perfect homes. Good mothering is loving Jesus and your family. It’s the sleepless nights responding to your baby’s cries. It’s having a gentle tone of voice when your toddler just makes you want to scream. It’s consistent discipline when you’d rather just let your child’s poor behavior slide. And even in these areas that DO matter, I will always fall short. That is why I’m so thankful for God’s grace. He is the Perfection we can never attain on our own. He can equip us to do OUR best (not another mom’s version of best), and when we are imperfect He forgives us and equips us with His enabling grace to do better next time. I am a good mom (there! I said it!) because I love my kids and I’m teaching them to love Jesus. Let’s all remember Pinterest isn’t our standard- the Word of God is. And because of Christ we are good enough, gift-bags with Sharpie names and all.

Resolved.

Today is January 1^st, 2016. When I was trying to decide what I wanted my resolution for 2016 to be a lot of things came to mind. There are SO many areas of my life where I need to do better… so many areas where I feel I’m falling short. My marriage needs improvement. I could definitely be a better mom to my kids. I still have a few post-baby pounds to lose after having my second baby in November. Certainly resolving to do better in each of these areas is a good thing, but none of these things are the most important. I have so many things on my plate right now, that I really feel like I need ONE and only one resolution for 2016, and I don’t want to aim at the wrong goal. Whatever I resolve to change, I want it to MATTER and I want it to LAST. The older I get the more I realize that my relationship with God HAS to be my NUMBER ONE PRIORITY and if it’s not every area of my life suffers- my soul becomes dry and thirsty, my marriage and children suffer, and I have a less fruitful life in general.

So after much reflection I have decided on my resolution:

I will spend time with God and in His Word every. day.

I thought about reading through the entire Bible this year, but I’m not sure that is very reasonable given the extremely busy season of life I am in with two small children. I am going to try to read through the entire Bible, but if it takes me longer than a year I will give myself grace. The point is for me to be in God’s Word- not to get through it in a certain time frame. In the past I’ve made it a goal of mine to read through the entire Bible in a year, but after a few months I would find myself getting behind. Since I struggle with perfectionism, once I got behind in my reading I would just give up and stop reading the Bible consistently. I’ve learned from experience that spending time with God and in the Word is not something to check off my to-do list but rather something for my soul to hunger and thirst for every day. I know that if I don’t eat food every day I become physically weak. Likewise, if I don’t feast on the Word of God every day I become spiritually weak and everyone around me suffers. 2016 will be the year of FEASTING for me- feasting on the Bread of Life- the Bible. Soaking in the presence of God. It is my hope that by keeping God my first priority, all areas of my life will thus improve. Hopefully I will become a more godly wife and mother as my relationship with Christ is strengthened. Hopefully I will become less self-centered and more grace giving to those around me.

I’m currently going through a Bible study about the disciplines of the Christian life- Bible reading, prayer, meditation, confession, etc. Sadly it’s taken me 24+ years to realize that growing in Christ takes DISCIPLINE- and that is why these things are called Christian disciplines. Some days I’m tired or lazy or what-have-you and I don’t necessarily feel like reading my Bible or spending time in prayer. However, I’m slowly learning that it doesn’t matter how I feel. I need to have the DISCIPLINE in my Christian walk to spend time with God every day. I find that as I push through my tiredness or feelings of apathy, God always meets me and fills my soul with true lasting joy and refreshment. I’ve been praying for God to give me an increased hunger for time with Him and His Word, and He has certainly answered that prayer for me. I think that is a prayer that God LOVES to answer!

My prayer is that by December 31^st, 2016 I will be able to look back on the year and say that I am more in love with Jesus than ever before. I hope that I will be able to say that I know on a deeper level who He is and what His word says. I hope to spend this year (and every year to come for the rest of my life) allowing God to truly nourish my soul. I hope that by the end of this year others will be able to see increased evidence of Christ in my life and true, lasting change. I hope that my marriage and parenting will improve as a natural result of my spiritual growth.

I want my resolution to not be wasted. I don’t want 2016 to be wasted. Time is a precious gift from God that we only get once. You only get to live the year of 2016 once. Do something that will matter in eternity– Seek the Savior. Spend time getting to know Him better. Read the book He wrote to us, the book He wrote for you.

“Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.”

-Psalm 1:1-3

Soli Deo Gloria.

For Christ’s Glory…Not My Ego

I guess in my own pride and foolishness, in the past I would not have considered myself a very “worldly” person. What I mean by that is that I didn’t care too much about what mainstream society and culture tells us we should care about- money, clothes, appearances, careers, etc. After some time spent with the Lord today, He in his loving kindness has showed me that I have let worldliness creep into my heart and my life- specifically in my motherhood. Let me explain.

Right now, at least in American culture, there seems to be a tendency for moms to label themselves and each other. You can be a very specific type of mom. There are “crunchy” moms who cloth diaper and exclusively breastfeed and co-sleep. There are homeschool moms and public school moms. There are moms who only let their kids eat organic food. There are moms who make sure their kids are involved in all the important social events and activities. Moms who are very adamant about their children being well educated. Moms who always make sure their children are dressed fashionably. You get the point.

I allowed myself to get sucked into this labeling. Don’t get me wrong- feeding your children organic food is great. Breastfeeding is awesome. There’s nothing wrong with dressing your child nicely. But in the long term, none of those things really matter and I had started to let those things define me.  I wanted to make sure I was “natural” enough with cloth diapering and breastfeeding and amber teething necklaces. I bought a Tula. I read tons of articles about being an attachment parent. I researched how to make the most creative and healthy bento box lunches for my toddler. Again, these things are fine and good in and of themselves, but when it becomes dangerous is when it starts to define you. That’s where my focus has been as a mother- defining myself the way the world is currently defining motherhood.

I recently came across a great quote by David Platt that had me thinking…

“Live today for what is going to matter 10 billion years from today.”

I need to have an eternal perspective on my motherhood (actually on my entire life, but for the sake of this blog post I’m just talking about my motherhood). In 10 billion years when my life on Earth is long over and I am in eternity with the Lord, I won’t care one bit about bento boxes or Tulas or cloth diapering. 10 billion years from now no one will care about how nicely my baby’s nursery was decorated or how cute I dressed my kids each day.  None of that will matter. What matters now, and will always ALWAYS matter is JESUS. What will matter is my relationship with Jesus and my children’s relationships with Jesus…and my children’s children’s relationships with Jesus. No, I can’t force my children to love Jesus, but I certainly can and should point them to Him with my words and more importantly with my actions and life in general. What will matter is if I lived my life for God’s glory and if I truly loved the Lord during my time on Earth and modeled that for my children. 10 billion years from now it WILL matter if my children are in heaven with me and our Lord. It WILL matter how I loved and served them and how I loved and served their daddy.

Someday I will stand before God and give an account to how I parented the precious children He has entrusted me with. I so desperately want the Lord to be pleased with my parenting, though I am so imperfect and I fall so short every day. These worldly mom labels will mean nothing then- only one label will matter- CHRIST’S.

I want to mother my children well for CHRIST’S GLORY, not my own ego.  I refuse to define myself as a crunchy mom, or a co-sleeping mom, or a stay-at-home mom, or a homeschooling mom, or any-other-label mom. I am a CHRISTIAN mom, and I want Christ to be the only thing that defines my motherhood and more importantly my life.

I never wanted to be an Army wife…

I was raised as an “Army brat”. For those that aren’t familiar with military jargon that simply means that I was a child of someone in the Army. My dad joined the Army when I was 7. Up until age 7, my only memories consist of living in the same small town in Southern Illinois with the same friends, same church family, etc. Life was good. Life was predictable and stable. Then things changed. Life remained good, don’t get me wrong, but there were big changes ahead for my family. We moved. A LOT. We moved to Texas, and lived there for a few months. Then we moved a few times to different locations in Maryland. I had to say goodbye to good friends and it seemed like I was constantly the “new kid” that no one knew. My dad was gone a lot, working hard for my family, sometimes he was deployed to various places overseas. It was hard on me (on all of us, actually) to have him away so much. Needless to say, growing up I wasn’t a fan of the military life. I did not like the constant moves, constant change, new people, unpredictability, and what felt to me as a child as instability. Eventually my family moved and settled in the Midwest, and they haven’t had to move in 12+ years. I like that. 🙂

By the time I was 13 I promised myself one thing: I would NEVER marry someone in the military. Being in a military family was just too hard for me…too uncomfortable, to unknown, and it gave me too much anxiety.

God must have laughed when I told myself these things. After all, Proverbs 16:9 says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” I am finding this verse to be very true of my life!

Flash forward about 8 years from the time I was 13, to when I was 21. I met and fell in love with a man named Jon. He wanted to be a pastor. Good, I thought to myself, that is a “safe” profession. Calm, predictable. I could be a pastor’s wife, no problem, I thought to myself. Jon started attending Moody Bible Institute to get his degree in Pastoral Studies, but he had a problem. He had no way to pay for school. Jon decided to join the Army to help pay for his degree. Long story short, once we got married there was no way for us to attend Moody financially, even with Jon’s job in the Army Reserves. This is when God changed the direction our lives were headed.

Again, long story short, God opened the doors for Jon to become a cadet and finish his degree at a 4-year university. After he would complete his degree he would become an active duty officer in the Army. You know what that meant for me…I wasn’t going to be a pastor’s wife. I was what I never wanted to be- an Army wife.

Jon and I both graduate with our Bachelor’s degrees in a little over a week. Right after we graduate we are moving to Georgia where Jon will start his career as an active duty Infantry officer. That means that in less than 3 weeks I will be living half-way across the country in a state where I won’t know anyone. Yet again, I find myself in a place where I will very soon have to say goodbye to all of my friends. Only this time it’s even harder- this time I’m saying also saying goodbye to my parents and sister. I am leaving my entire family behind (except for Jon and our daughter, of course). My daughter utterly adores her grandparents, and for her entire life she has seen her Mimi and her Poppie at least once a week. Now she is being pulled away from two of her favorite people in the world, and will from now on only see them about once or twice a year. My husband, though we will be together in Georgia, will often be gone for weeks and sometimes months at a time completing various training. It is likely he will miss the birth of our second child. (He also missed the birth of our first-born.) This is all pretty hard on me.

Now don’t get me wrong- I’m really not trying to throw a pity party here. I know so many people that have it WAY WAY worse than I do. In reality my family and I are blessed beyond measure. My husband has a wonderful career now, and the three (actually 4, because I’m pregnant) of us get to stay together. Nevertheless, these changes aren’t easy for me.

So the question that pops up in my heart is “Why?” Why did God, in His perfect sovereignty and wisdom, ordain for me to marry a man in the military? I’m sure the answer to that question is much bigger than I can now understand or imagine. But one thing I do know: God is taking me out of my comfort zone so that I can be more dependent on Him. God is soon putting me in a place where I will not know anyone (at least for a while when we first get there…hopefully we will make friends quickly!) and where I won’t have my family to fall back on for help or support. My husband will be gone a lot- so it really will just be me and God. The truth is my family and friends here in the Midwest aren’t my true support- my God is. He is all I truly need. This is one thing He wants me to learn and really know deep down in the core of who I am. God is enough.

One of my favorite names of God is “The Rock of Ages”. Similarly, one of my favorite qualities of God is that He is always steady and unchanging. God is my rock- my firm foundation. He, and He alone, offers me the stability, security, safety, and companionship I truly need. I am so thankful that the same God I have known and loved here in the Midwest goes with me and my family wherever the Army takes us- to Georgia and beyond. He promises to never leave me or you, and one thing I know about God is He always keeps His promises.

Truth be told, I don’t feel equipped to be an Army wife. That’s probably exactly where God wants me to be- in a place where I’m not strong enough, but I find that He is my strength. God can equip me for this military life, and He can equip you for whatever season or hardship you think you’re not strong enough to handle right now.

“He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 9 & 10

A favorite lyric from a song called “Whom Shall I Fear” by Chris Tomlin has been running through my mind lately. The lyric is this:

“I know who goes before me. I know who stands behind. The God of angel armies is always by my side.”

I don’t know what tomorrow, and next week, and next month have in store for us. But I know God is already there. I know God goes before us and is always on our side– in the Midwest, in Georgia, and wherever the Lord will take us all the days of our lives. Praise God that He is our Rock, and He is faithful!

Facebook and Pride

For the past week, I’ve been attending a revival at my home church. We have church services almost every night for two weeks. It’s been an amazing experience so far, yet also extremely convicting. One thing that God is showing me is that I have been a person full of pride. Pride is a sin, and not only that, the Bible says that God detests pride, and that he actually opposes proud people. Yikes. I really don’t want God to oppose me.

“Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord.” –Proverbs 16:5

“Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.” –Proverbs 8:13

“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” –James 4:6

Since God has been convicting me and showing me how totally sinful I am, God has been revealing me specific areas and ways in which I am prideful. One area where I have been prideful is Facebook.

You might be wondering how in the world one can be prideful on Facebook. After all, it’s just a social media sight where you post pictures and update statuses. Pretty innocent, right? Not for me. For me, Facebook has been a virtual brag site.  Here’s a picture that makes me seem like the best mom ever. Here’s a status about how I’m a great Christian.  Look at this awesome vacation I went on. I could go on and on, but you get the point. You see, to an extent on Facebook, I haven’t been honest. I only post the cute pictures, and things that make me seem better than I really am. One particular area that I have been prideful in is my mothering. I want people to think I’m an amazing mother. (Disclaimer: It is a very good thing to desire to be an amazing mother, however it is wrong to parade your “great” mothering in front of others simply to puff up your own ego…which is what I was doing.) For example, I made sure to post pictures of a homeschool board I made for my daughter. Did I post about how I haven’t really even used that board yet? No.  Did I post about how some days I let my daughter watch too much TV because I’m feeling lazy and don’t really feel like playing with her? No, I didn’t post that….because if I’m being honest I want people to have a better impression of myself than is true. (At least, that was how I have been up til now, hopefully this will be changing!)

I’ve also been known to post things for the sole purpose of showing off. (This is hard to admit, but I need to be honest with God, myself, and others.) For example, I was proud that I crocheted a blanket for my future baby. And I felt like the whole facebook world needed to see how great the blanket was and praise me. Wow…that is really pathetic in hindsight. I am sad to say that this pride of mine, not just on Facebook but ultimately in my life and my heart, has saddened and disgusted God. So if I seem a bit quieter on social media, it is because God is in the process of humbling me. I need some serious humbling. God is so merciful to show me my sin.

From now on, I will be checking my motives before I post things on social media. I will do my best to be more concerned about receiving the praises of God, than the praises of lots of Facebook likes.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you.” -1 Peter 5:6

DIY Framed Chalkboard for Cheap!

This blog post is obviously totally different from my typical posts about God and/or family. Today I wanted to share an easy do-it-yourself project.

I’ve been wanting to purchase a big framed chalkboard for some time now, but when I looked at them at the store and online all the (good) ones I could find were in the $40 to $50 price range. That’s more than I wanted to spend on one chalkboard since I feel like I could put that much money to better use elsewhere. I figured I could easily make my own framed chalkboard for much cheaper than I could buy at any store. My framed chalkboard cost me less than $12 for EVERYTHING including the frame, paint, and chalk. That’s a total savings of roughly $35 dollars! Win!!

Here’s how you can make your own:

1) First you need to get your supplies

You’ll need one large picture frame- whatever shape and size you like. It doesn’t matter what ugly picture is in it since you’ll be painting over the glass anyway. I got my picture from Goodwill for a whopping $2.50. I wanted a frame that was substantial and a picture that was pretty large. Here’s the lovely picture in all its glory before I painted it.

You’ll also need a small can of chalkboard paint. I recommend actual paint rather than spray paint because it goes on thicker and smoother and makes a higher quality chalkboard in general. I got this paint for $9 at Walmart.

You’ll also need a couple of paintbrushes and whatever color of acrylic paint that you want your frame to be. As you can see, I decided to paint my frame plain white. I already had these brushes and paint with my craft supplies at home, so this didn’t cost me anything but you can pick it up at your local Walmart for less than $2 total.

Lastly, you’ll need some chalk. I got both of these boxes of chalk for 47 cents each at Walmart.

2) Once you have all your supplies you’re ready to begin painting the glass of your picture. I recommend taking the glass and the frame apart because it is easier to paint that way, however my picture would not come apart so I just painted it as a whole piece. Start with painting your glass with the chalkboard paint. Do one coat, let it dry, and then paint another coat. I did three coats total of chalkboard paint on mine.

3) Next, paint the frame. I painted mine with three coats of acrylic paint. If your frame and picture won’t come apart (like mine won’t), be very careful when you paint the frame not to get any paint on the chalkboard part.

4) Once everything is totally dry, you’ll want to “prime” your chalkboard by coloring it all in with chalk and then wiping it off, as shown here.

Now your chalkboard is ready for whatever design or quote you want to put on it!

And there you have it- one awesome finished DIY framed chalkboard for super cheap! Hooray for saving money and making fun craft projects! 😀 Happy crafting!

Motherhood meets the Gospel

Today my sweet little girl has the flu and all she wants to do is snuggle on the couch. Since we’re stuck doing nothing but cuddling for hours today as I try to nurse her back to health (Mommy needs the snuggles as much as little Natalie does!), I’ve had lots of time to ponder motherhood and how it overlaps with the Christian life.

Back when I was in highschool and my early college years I would have some great devotional time. I had ample free time to spend alone, in silence and solitude, with just me, the Lord, and His Word.  When I think about it now, I saw this devotional time as a sort of spiritual “spa-time” if you will. It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was life-giving to spend that time with Jesus and I always left my devotional time feeling energized and refreshed.

After a few years went by I found myself married and with a newborn. I no longer had the free time to devote an hour or more to reading my Bible. Gone was my quiet alone time and feelings of refreshment. Those things were replaced with constant diaper changes, burping, feedings, sleepless nights…you get the point. If I did have free time I spent it catching up on vitally needed sleep since I was completely sleep deprived and my health was being negatively affected because of it. Since I didn’t get my “spiritual time” in, I felt like a bad Christian. This is when the Holy Spirit stepped in a showed me something. He showed me that in that season I did not have a lot of extra time to read my Bible- but this was the season to LIVE IT OUT. This was the season to take all my knowledge of the Word and put it to use- laying down my life for my family. After all, is there anything more Christ-like than pouring out our lives on behalf of another? Christ was making me more like Him through the tiring work of caring for a little life and a family and home.

Thankfully now that my daughter is a little older and out of the newborn stage, I have the free time back to get deep into Bible study again, and I love it. I am trying (by God’s grace!) to read through the entire Bible during 2015. Sometimes when my daughter is napping and I’m spending time in Bible study and prayer she wakes up. Initially I think to myself, “Bummer, now my Bible time is over because she is awake.” But in all actuality my Bible time is just beginning then because I get to live out my faith by serving and nurturing my daughter. My “devotion time” is no longer limited to a “spiritual spa time” hour in peace and quiet, but rather my devotion time is lived out every second of every day. Some days (like today), my loving Jesus involves doing laundry, clean up sickness on the carpet, and wiping snotty noses. This is the life God has ordained for me and it is good! This is His great mercy extended to me to make me more like Him.

So if you are like I was, in a season of diapers and endless nursing sessions and sleep deprivation- remember that God is with you and He is pleased that you are pouring out your life for someone else. This is living out the Gospel. If you are in a season like mine currently with little ones underfoot do your best to spend time with God, and remember that while God delights in your Bible study and prayer, He also greatly delights in you picking up cheerios, kissing boo-boos, and reading that Elmo book for the twentieth time today. That also, is living out the Gospel. Remember when you are feeding and dressing and cleaning up after that little one, that you are really giving life to her. Someday she will in turn give life and the love of Christ to others and leave her own legacy for Christ on the world. This is a great blessing and beauty of the Christian life of a mother- God meets us in our mundane and uses our seemingly small, unnoticed acts of love to build up a life, which will someday leave a legacy that will outlive us.

God sees you and I in the mundane mommy years. God will equip us. God is making something great with these little lives entrusted to our care. When you pour out your life for someone else you are living out the Gospel.

Soli Deo Gloria

His Grace is Enough…

Today I made a totally stupid mistake. I was meeting some new people and someone asked me what my major is. What did I say? Communication. Is that my major? No….it’s my minor. My major is General Studies. You see, my major was communication until I changed it to be a stay-at-home mom. I switched to general studies so I could finish all online and be home with my daughter, but thankfully I was able to keep all of my communication work by making it my minor. So today when someone asked me my major my response of “communication” wasn’t a blatant lie, it was an honest mistake. I attempted to make amends to my mistake by telling them I’m graduating with general studies, but I still felt like a total idiot.  I mean, who forgets what their major is? Duh!

It’s easy for me to get down on myself when I mess up, whether that mistake is telling someone the wrong degree or losing my temper or being rude to my husband or, or, or…. Sometimes my perfectionist nature gets the best of me and I expect perfection out of myself. Satan starts whispering lies to me like, “See you lied, you’re a terrible, hypocritical Christian.” Or “You’ll never be good enough” or “Others don’t make these mistakes”. Satan wants Christians to feel guilty and condemned….because he knows that Christians are actually made innocent by the blood of Jesus and as Romans 8:1 says, there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. If you are a Christian, as imperfect as we all are, you are made clean by Jesus and God doesn’t see your sin any longer. You and I are clothed in Christ’s righteousness.

The simple truth is this: no one is perfect, and no one ever will be perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect Christian or a Christian who does not sin (except of course for Jesus). I shouldn’t be surprised when I mess up and sin…both intentionally and unintentionally. Similarly, I shouldn’t be surprised when others sin.  It would be prideful and foolish for me to expect perfection from myself or others. Sometimes people put other “stronger” Christians on a pedestal and think they don’t sin or mess up like everyone else, but that is foolish too. Everybody is fallible. Everybody messes up. We’re all imperfectly following Jesus together.

So today if you’ve messed up like me, give yourself the same grace that Jesus extends to you. Repent of your mistakes and sin, and pursue holiness. Don’t wallow in your shortcomings…that’s what Satan wants you to do. Christ wants you to walk in His freedom, and that includes freedom from guilt and shame. If someone you know has sinned or made a mistake towards you or someone you know, extend His grace and forgiveness to them. Remember that Christ’s sacrifice on the cross was enough to defeat all our sin.  His grace is enough.